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Are you a Motorsport Slattern?


Answer the following questionnaire to find out if you are anally fixated or a right old slob…..

Entry forms
A. You do them all at the start of the season and fax them to Simon.
B. You get them in at the last possible date once you know the car is okay and you are free to attend.
C. You ring Simon the Friday before the race and plead for an entry.

General fitness
A. You train rigorously and daily. You think Jenson Button is a bit of a lardy boy.
B. You jog a little and watch what you eat.
C. You have eaten so many pies next year you are doing saloons.

Paddock accommodation
A. An enormous Winnebago painted to match you race box trailer. This rig is usually then parked across the entrance to a garage precluding anyone else getting in or out.
B. Tent, old camper van or caravan.
C. It's amazing how comfortable the front seat of a 1993 transit van can be as long as you move the hand brake lever.

Tools
A. You have a perfect and complete set of Snap-On kit all laid out like an operating theatre.
B. Your tools are a trusty set built up over the years but you can never find the 13 and 10 ml spanners.
C. You never bring any tools, you just hope to borrow some in the paddock.

Spares
A. You carry enough to rebuild the car twice over.
B. You carry a few essentials but when something breaks you rarely have the correct side/fitting.
C. You remove broken parts and throw them in the bottom of your tool box in the hope that by divine intervention or some form of miracle they might spontaneously repair themselves in the dark recesses of the box.

Pit lane Assistants
A A group of Hawaiian Tropic girls.
B. Your wife/girlfriend/husband/civil partner-delete as appropriate.
C. Cissie and Ada .

A group of Hawaiian Tropic girls. Cissie and Ada .


Alcohol
A. You never touch a drop until safely home on Sunday night.
B. That cool beer after the final race is a high point of the weekend.
C. After all those sessions on Saturday night you never understood why you crashed on the out lap during Sunday morning practice.

Bodywork
A. Every bit fits perfectly, it all bolts or screws into place.
B. Duct tape is wonderful stuff.
C. You usually wander round the track on Sunday afternoon and collect all the bits that have fallen off your car during the race.

Collecting area
A. You are always first down there quietly worrying about overheating the motor.
B. You just go down when everyone else goes.
C. Simon has to drag you out of the truck/caravan/tent/lavatory/burger van/all of the above after everyone else has long gone.

Tyres
A. You have a new set for each meeting.
B. You invest in new rubber as often as you can afford it.
C. Those old Matadors on eBay were a bargain.

Smoking
A. Evil habit, they all deserve to die a horrible and painful death.
B. Winston Churchill, Che Guevara, Rudyard Kipling and Monica Lewinski can't all be wrong.
C. You drill out the drinks tube hole in your helmet so you can get a fag through while you are wearing it.

Pre race mental preparation
A. Yoga or calisthenics whilst listening to whale songs.
B. Chat to the other drivers and fib about taking Eau rouge flat.
C. Doze in the truck.

Pre race eating
A. Nothing but a black coffee, you want to be sharp.
B. A light lunch.
C. You have been known to munch a bacon sarnie in the collecting area.

Car preparation
A. Car is stripped down after every session and every nut and bolt checked.
B. You tighten anything that looks loose.
C. You haven't touched the car since parc-ferme at the last race.

Data acquisition
A. You have an on board read out and a spotter on the pit wall.
B. You scan the lap charts provided by the timekeepers.
C. As long as you are in front of your main rival. Who cares?

Paintwork
A. Your mirror finish silver makes Formula 1 McLarens look a bit shabby.
B. It looks good from a distance but up close there are some scuff marks from hard racing.
C. You think that every panel in a different hand-sprayed colour is cool.

Fuel
A. You calculate the fuel to the exact volume and fuel accordingly.
B. You work out roughly what you need and add a bit.
C. The tow truck guys are really helpful in fact you are first names with all of them.

Results

Mostly As

You might be turning into Ron Dennis. You probably need to ask your family doctor to recommend psychological counselling. I'm not sure you are enjoying your racing as much as you might.

Mostly Bs

You must be a contented soul. If you do win it’s because of your natural talent not your studious application to racing.

Mostly Cs

Congratulations, you are proudly maintaining a way of life loved by millions -banger racing beckons.

Schuey - Mainly A's James Hunt - More C's than any other World Champion?

Steven Griffin
Pics: Internet via SG, Asst ed's garage and loft (tools and tyres), JF Cameron (Schuey), Phil Moore (Phil & Neil)

Disclaimer: The above represents only the unofficial view of the writer and not of the Monoposto Racing Club in any way whatsover. Subheadlines and captions are not originated from the named author. We are unable to reproduce results due to copyright reasons. If any pictures are copyright and the owner wishes them removed please email us.

     

 

 

You have eaten so many pies next year you are doing saloons.

An enormous motorhome painted to match your race box trailer.

Your tools are a trusty set built up over the years but you can never find the 13 and 10 ml spanners.

2 Mono Legends. That cool beer after the final race is a high point of the weekend.

Duct tape is wonderful stuff.Apollo13 certainly thought so.

Those old Matadors on eBay were a bargain.

......whilst listening to whale songs.

You have been known to munch a bacon sarnie in the collecting area.

Your mirror finish silver makes Formula 1 McLarens look a bit shabby.