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Meanwhile, in other formulae.....

Whilst it is generally recognised that Monoposto is the pinnacle of motor racing, and indeed sport, there are of course some lesser formulae who aspire to our pre-eminence. One such is Formula One.

There are those who think that Hamilton won't win the world championship. Of course he will. That big button that Bernie's got that causes the unexpected blowups will mean that he will. Bernie, in his own little world, thinks he's from LA and so if he wins, a whole nation will suddenly love F1. Wrong, on so many levels.

So in the real world, let's ignore the teams that for one reason and another have half a chance of winning a GP. Mercedes, Ferrari, Red Bull naturally. Williams have a Merc engine and a half decent chassis (and, thanks to Claire, great cakes). Toro Rosso have two of the best prospects in years, and have pulled a "not much of a" surprise in the past. And they have a big fizzy pop empire behind them. So let's look at the rest, blatantly plagiarising the idea of "Cobra" magazine in the 1990s who ran a Minnows Championship. Scoring is exactly the same as F1, but ignoring the Grandees.

No Name Team Alternatively Known as Melbourne Bahrain Total
6 Romain Grosjean Haas Dallara 25 25 50
12 Kevin Magnussen Renault Toleman 12 15 27
7 Nico Hulkenberg Force India Jordan 18 6 24
47 Stoffel Vandoorne McLaren Grey Empire   18 18
11 Jolyon Palmer Renault Toleman 15   15
13 Sergio Perez Force India Jordan 10 4 14
15 Felipe Nasr Sauber Sauber 6 8 14
16 Pascal Wehrlein Manor Butcher Booth's Boys 4 10 14
17 Marcus Ericsson Sauber Sauber   12 12
14 Jenson Button McLaren Grey Empire 8   8
19 Rio Haryanto Manor Butcher Booth's Boys   2 2
20 Esteban Gutierrez Haas Dallara     0
21 Fernando Alonso McLaren Grey Empire     0


Team Alternatively Known as Melbourne Bahrain Total
Haas Dallara 25 25 50
Renault Toleman 27 15 42
Force India Jordan 28 10 38
McLaren Grey Empire 8 18 26
Sauber Sauber 6 20 26
Manor Butcher Booth's Boys 4 12 16

Dallara have 2 top scores thanks to the very experienced Romain Grosjean while Toleman have a good score thanks to consistent performances from "Ken" Magnussen and a variable performance from "Poshboy" Palmer. Jordan aren't far behind and are consistent, whilst the Grey Empire are where they are mainly thanks to an interesting Belgian. Jordan and Sauber are fighting for the mantle of the old Arrows team - that of consistent mediocrity - whilst Butcher Booth's Boys (yes, I know he isn't involved any more) surprise by actually being there.

Come on, be honest, it's more interesting than the real championship isn't it?

Norbert Pattingham



Disclaimer: The above represents only the unofficial view of the writer and not of the Monoposto Racing Club in any way whatsover. Subheadlines and captions are not originated from the named author. We are unable to reproduce results due to copyright reasons. If any pictures are copyright and the owner wishes them removed please email us.